The desire to have one’s child interact with and to be accepted by others is the wish of all parents.  When this does not occur the parent may become concerned, anxious or worried.  Parents of autistic children face this dilemma on a daily basis.  They are very aware that their children interact differently and display behaviors that are confusing to most.

The autistic child’s ability to interact and engage with others is limited and varies on a continuum from complete noninvolvement with others to sporadic and limited involvement.  For the autistic child involvement with others can be confusing, intimidating and frightening.  Autistic children can benefit positively to the exposure to other children through play activities. 

Some suggestions to consider in setting up play dates:

• Begin slowly and with patience.  First, have a conversation with the parent of the child you want to set the play date with.  Come up with a simple way to educate the parent about your child’s behaviors and your desire to have the two children play.  If the parent is receptive, the next step is to talk with the non-autistic child and parent together about your child’s desire to play.  Next talk to your own child about your intention; 
• Set up the play date in your home.  Your child is familiar with this environment;
• Limit the time based on your child’s ability to be with others.  I would suggest a half hour.  Decide on an activity that you know that your child can engage in.  Supervise the two children in the activity.  If they seem engaged let the children continue the activity under your watchful eye;
• At first parallel play may be all your child can tolerate;
• You may want to have multiple activities available if the children do not respond to the initial activity;
• Leave time for cleaning up, a story and refreshments;
• Continue with short play dates, but increase the time with others as your own child can tolerate longer interactions;

Karen Savlov is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and psychoanalyst practicing in West Los Angeles. She is affiliated with the Institute of Contemporary Psychoanalysis. She specializes in autism spectrum disorders, depression, anger management, assertion training, communication, anxiety, relationships and work related issues. She has worked for many years with children, adolescents and adults including those on the autism spectrum continuum. She has also provided trainings and support groups for parents of children with autism. She is now running groups for college age students with developmental disabilities. She has made presentations on this subject at numerous conferences and meetings.

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